It Would Be Rude Of Me
by Matador Matty
Summary: At age nineteen, Frisk reflects on their time beneath Mount Ebbot. "If only you knew..." Warnings: Suicidal ideation, severe depression, general bleakness. Written partly as a perspective exploration, and partly as a vent piece.


_"Frisk._

 _"Why would you ever climb a mountain like that?_

 _"Was it foolishness?_

 _"Was it fate?_

 _"Or was it..._

 _"Because you...?"_

* * *

If you only knew how right you were, Asriel.

My name is Frisk. I'm nineteen years old.

You probably know me as the one who climbed Mount Ebbot.

The one who saved all of monsterkind.

What you don't know is why I did it.

It's simple.

I didn't want any of this.

I didn't want to fight or kill anyone.

I just wanted to die.

I still don't know how I survived the fall in the first place. It was something like an eight story drop.

Oh well. I didn't die, and so I met Flowey.

I thought maybe I'd get to die then, but Toriel saved me.

Her attempts at acting like a mother sickened me. I felt like I was being suffocated when I hugged her. Her pie tasted like ash in my mouth.

Even with that, though, I couldn't just disobey her requests. It would have been rude of me. I didn't want to remove the smile from her face, even as I longed to leave her home so I could return to the human world and try to die again. I didn't try to jump into the path of the monsters who attacked me, not even once.

Snowdin was cold. I gave some monsters half-hearted laughter at their crappy jokes. A bunch of dumb dogs chased me. I hate dogs.

Sans was just annoying. Lazy, annoying, constantly telling even worse jokes... Goddamn useless bag of bones.

And fuck, Papyrus was even worse than Sans. I've always hated people like that- people who try so hard and go so far to grasp at goals they never had a chance to reach. He should have given up when he had the chance.

I couldn't disobey his or Sans's requests either. They seemed to like me so much. (They shouldn't. What's there to like?)

Waterfall was easier to tolerate. Nothing to do there. Just read the walls, listen to flowers, and outrun Undyne the murderous fish-woman.

She was better than the rest of them, for a while. She understood that I deserved to die.

Until she didn't.

I should have let her fry to a crisp at the passage into Hotland.

But I didn't.

I saved her life. Because that's what people do.

And then I made the mistake of once again obeying fucking Papyrus and hanging out with her.

God, she was treating me like I was her friend.

Hotland was too warm for me. Traveling with the steam vents made me feel uncomfortable. I sweated a lot.

Alphys was so fucking obnoxious, I don't even know where to start. Those fucking updates on her stupid Facebook ripoff. All that whining about Mew Mew Kissy Cutie. Fuck, what did Undyne see in that stupid bitch?

Mettaton's melodrama wasn't much better, either. At least I got to actually hurt him with those SOUL bullets.

I still want to throttle Alphys for trying to play me like a fiddle. Trying to insert herself into my life like I was so special.

I wish her and Undyne a long and happy relationship.

Asgore. Oh, Asgore. King. Savior. Murderer. Even now, I still don't know how to feel about you, Asgore. Maybe, in a better time, a better set of circumstances, you could have been my father, and Toriel could have been my mother, and we could have been a happy family. Maybe I could have been happy with you.

If only.

I admit. I was terrified when Flowey revealed his ultimate form to me. But it wasn't because of his looks. I was more concerned with the fact that I kept coming back to life whenever he killed me.

It was my worst nightmare. Dying, then being resurrected.

But I couldn't just let him steal the six SOULs and become some kind of fucked-up god. It would be wrong of me, after inspiring so much hope in everyone else. Even though I wish I hadn't.

So I stopped him, and I couldn't bring myself to kill him, because it would upset Toriel if I killed anyone, even a creature as pathetic as him. So he scurried away, and I got to go back to Hotland, to learn about Alphys's not-so-little secret.

The Amalgamates didn't scare me. They were too sad.

I think I actually cried seeing them.

At least they're happy now.

Flowey being Asriel wasn't something I had expected. I also didn't expect my own SOUL to start holding itself together out of sheer determination. But it happened anyways.

I saved all of the Lost Souls. What did you expect? I couldn't just leave them to die. They didn't want to.

Asriel.

I miss you.

I'm sorry you had such a short, unfortunate life, and such a long, painful unlife as Flowey. You were too kind. Too gentle. You didn't deserve any of the pain inflicted upon you.

I would have gladly borne your wounds for you, Asriel.

But the fact of the matter is, you're gone now. It's been so long since we met.

I hope that wherever you are now, you're with Chara, and you're happy.

I wish I could join you, but I can't.

Don't get me wrong. I still want to die.

But I can't die. Not for a long time, any way.

Toriel and Asgore don't want me to.

Sans and Papyrus don't want me to.

Alphys and Undyne don't want me to.

Mettaton, Muffet, Napstablook, Shyren, none of the monsters of the underground want their angel of mercy to die.

It would be rude of me to let them down.


End file.
